I think it’s time for an honest blog about uncertainty. You may think that I have all the wind in my sails and cycle through life effortlessly. Believe me, I also have doubts, fears, and insecurities. I have things that don’t work, that take a lot of effort. If you take a leap of faith, you do not always find solid ground under your feet immediately. It’s just part of the process. But it doesn’t really feel comfortable.
Photo made by Roos van de Kieft
My biggest uncertainty at present is that I haven’t managed to sell my house yet. If we’re going to be honest, I find it quite disappointing. Of course, I did not expect it to be sold within a week, but that it is still not sold? I find that very complicated. There really is enthusiasm for my Tiny House, but less than I expected, and the sale always stands or falls with finding a location or the financing. It’s not very surprising that these are these problems, of course. Getting finance for a Tiny House when you don’t have your own land is difficult to obtain. Unless you have your own money or can borrow money from your own network, it is very difficult to get there. Come on financial institutions in the Netherlands, find a suitable solution for that please! The house is beautiful and well made; there are plenty of people who would love to live in it; the price is really very reasonable for a ready-made Tiny House with all the installations, equipment and interior. So, there you have it.
But this is a quite an important obstacle. Without the money I hope to get for this house I can’t have my new dream house built. And time is ticking away. At some point I will have to sign a quotation and I can’t do that if I’m not sure if I’m selling my current Tiny House. What if the whole thing must be called off? What then? Do I have to give up my lot in the Olstergaard? That’s the doomsday scenario. Deep down I feel that my new home is coming. I can already picture it in my mind and oh how I am looking forward to living in it and creating that dream garden. But now? Now I’m kind of in a limbo. On hold. And I’m so bad at that…
And then there’s something else. At some point the lot needs to be put in my name and paid for; I think this is supposed be done before October. For that I need a mortgage and to get the mortgage I need an appraisal of my new house and the lot. Do I have to have a signed order already, or is only the quotation sufficient? And the delivery times and material prices are huge just now. In addition, the builders’ agendas are full until Saint Whatever-his-name’s day. And where will I live if I do sell my house but my new house is far from ready? Will I be able to manage it financially? Can I find someone to install the ground pipe ventilation system that I want for me? And what will it cost? Can I work with semi-transparent solar panels on the greenhouse, and will this provide sufficient power? And can I pay for it? So many questions. So many uncertainties.
How do I deal with all those uncertainties? I accept that they are there. I keep my eyes on my goal and try to trust, as much as I can, that things will work out. Some days that’s easier than others. I also count my blessings. Because what kind of problems are these, compared to the problems of someone who has no roof over his or her head, or hardly any food in the fridge? Who is in a black hole of depression, or is struggling with serious illness? Putting things into perspective helps; I realize that I am privileged. But yes, there is also uncertainty. Why is it so difficult? Perhaps it is not my destiny to have this new house built? I am I strong believer in the meaning of things that happen to you. Everything has a reason, even the less pleasant things. And when you finally succeed after a period of struggle, the relief, the gratitude, the pure joy is so much greater! It has all been worth it. And if things don’t work out, something else will come along.
So, my mood swings between confidence and doubt all the time. It makes me enjoy living in my lovely house and the beautiful nature around the house a little less. While these are, if everything goes according to plan, the last few weeks that I can enjoy them. Doubts gnaw at you and you have to make an effort to see the bright side. It’s part of the adventure. But it is not easy.